Thursday, October 8, 2009

I am really really thankful to God for giving me a chance to see her again. I know that this is probably the last time, as she can no longer breathe without the machines. Elsie, thank you for the times we spent together, the cluster activities we organised. I remember the good friday activity 2 yrs ago, when i was in charge of the testimonial activity. I was too tense, and you came over, gave me a hug, and told me to smile. To me, nothing else better represent your caring personality that endears you to us...

How fragile life is! In one moment one is about to be born, in the next, one is passing on. Yet, in my sadness, i know that Elsie is safe in God's hand, that she is going to a place much better, where she can be with God. That is the reason why there is this peace in my heart, for God is ALWAYS good.

Elsie, thank you for everything.

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Joyce flitting off
@ |7:48 PM|
Monday, September 7, 2009

While reading (In)courage, i came upon a post asking us to write abt what hope is to us. While i did nt manage to publish anything in time for the proposed dateline, i thought i will still write about Hope.

Those who know me personally know about my (now coming to 6 years) of struggle with my ill health. Since age 13 i have chronic abdominal pains due to complex reasons. As i struggle through this, i find myself asking about what Hope and Faith really mean to me.

This morning is the 5th day in a row where i have not been able to take in nor keep down either food or water. What goes in comes up as soon as it possibly can. Besides being physically painful, it is emotinally trying. I know what these symptoms meant, what it can lead to. I would not be able to escape from the diagnostic tests for stomach ulcer, Gastroparesis, or the other complex digestive problems. I do not want to go through this again. As tears welled up, I feel my heart screaming for God's help. To me, Hope does not mean that you cannot cry. Hope is what enables you to dry your tears, to smile again, to fight for what God has for you. Hope is when you cannot see any way out, that still small voice that whispers to you, that God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

At the end of the day, while my fears still try to trip me, i can smile through my tears, for i have my Hope in God. When tomorrow comes, my tears may still slip through, but i believe in the One who created me.

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Joyce flitting off
@ |1:39 PM|